The Silence Inbetween

The moment of silence between a decision and its reality, is similar to the sensation of free-falling. 

Your primal mind is in panic mode, grasping for the safety of what was familiar. Your higher mind is trying to rationalize to yourself, 'We planned this, its ok. We have a chute.'

This works about as well as trying to rationalize to a toddler having a melt-down.

While all this chaos ensues inside your mind, it sits in stark contrast to the stillness and silence that surrounds you at this >*point*< in time.

No going back. The decision has been made. Now we must wait for how it unfolds. The consequences are now beyond our control.

This is what I imagine it would be like after swallowing the bottle of pills, knowing you can't go back but forgetting why you thought this was a good idea- having no control to stop it.

Our brains are wired to find safety in predictability. Our minds scream at us to halt anytime a major change is coming. 

This is why we stay in bad relationships, put up with terrible bosses or jobs we hate. It is why you wear the same, or similar, clothing and why most people are averse, not only to change, but to making decisions at all.

How do we convince our brains and our bodies that change is sometimes good? Sometimes for the best even. 

No consequence will be so dire as to destroy us forever, because we certainly aren't swallowing bottles of pills. Yet big changes feel like a death sentence.

Maybe, we accept that part? A big change is in fact a death sentence- not one that stops the heart but one that stops the version of you that you identified with.

Your dreams, vision, goals and maybe your daily entanglements will now cease to be. They lay on the floor like cut, sparking wires. The connections to your old self are now severed. 

But if the old self is gone then who the hell am I? This is where we reach back to grasp for old ties, to what we already know, our brains thinking 'Who the hell are you to go changing things around? Put it back, quickly.' 

Now, instead breath. Let the silence of the moment be. Let the sensation of free-fall be. Let your brain fall apart and right now, just be.

You were not your previous plans, hopes or goals. You were not the outcomes of prior decisions. Nor are you the outcomes of this decision. 

Just be. In that moment of stillness, you are complete. You are everything you need. You are not lost.

And when you're ready to get up and move forward- be like Alice, in wonderland. And curiously look down the rabbit hole. Afraid yes, but too curious about what you will find next to turn back now.