It's not easy saying goodbye


It is not easy to say goodbye. There is so much I want to hold onto. Friendships, termed loosely for the warm feeling I hope to receive, but truly decorative shells for a convenient acquaintance. Relationships, with so much potential for fireworks and lasting love, but in the simplest terms, a dud. Family, a safety net- a lighthouse to be counted on, but really a group of lost souls trying to claim boundary. Yes, I looked down this road to where it bent into the undergrowth- and I took it. But perhaps he was right, old Frost,  I may have taken the other one, just as fair.

I believe I will. We all cry out for safety, warmth and familiarity- making decisions with the least possibility for damage to our fragile egos. What if?, this... What if?, that... Well? What IF? Do you know? Would it kill you to find out? Or would it kill everyone else to see you try? Decisions must be made on individual terms, not dismissing the effect it will have on others… Ultimately, one must decide for himself.

Are the roots here deep enough to keep me, are they even my own?? I was born here and grew to maturity but the life I have here is not one of my own creation. Ease, proximity, need; these are reasons for my existing surroundings, but purpose is not an available resource, it must be sought. So I am letting go of this flimsy shack I have built to keep me safe through the storm. I am moving on to create a life with purpose and direction for my family.

 Rather than create space between others, and myself, I hope my distance will forge stronger bonds with those in my life for friendship and love; at the same time separate those who have found their way to me for reasons unbecoming my attention.

I will move ahead with good intentions and a purpose in my heart, but it can be hard to say goodbye sometimes.

Rochelle 2011

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